


Eudaimonia

by miera



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Reality, F/M, First Time, Stranded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-23
Updated: 2009-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-03 15:52:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were cut off from Earth (again) and on their own for everything, beginning with bare survival. The hope of getting Atlantis back was slim. John wasn't going to give up, and he knew Elizabeth wouldn't either, but in the short-term, they had to focus on more important matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eudaimonia

**Author's Note:**

> Written for havocthecat for the swficathon. The prompt was: _For the good of Atlantis, Elizabeth and John must marry. Or, at the very least, pretend to be married._. The title comes from a term used in ancient Greek ethics: _It is significant that synonyms for eudaimonia are living well and doing well. [...] to carry out the activities that constitute human living well over a whole lifetime, or long stretches of it, is living well or doing well. [...] While the unhappy person deals with a vital and dynamic emotion like fear in an inept way, the happy person handles fear skillfully, and thereby exhibits human excellence._ \--[from here](http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/ethics-ancient/)

Lota wasn't exactly the garden spot of Pegasus. It was chilly and rocky and fog rolled in off the water sometimes. On the other hand, the sea provided food for the village near the cliffs, and the Lotans had been culled often enough that they needed extra hands for labor and were willing to trade living space for workers.

Elizabeth's negotiation with the village leaders didn't take long, but John still got an uncomfortable vibe from it. The men on the other side of the table looked at her a bit askance, and John gathered they were probably not used to women being in authority positions. More than once he caught one of them looking at him as if to gauge whether he was okay with Elizabeth speaking for him so stridently.

He stood right behind her shoulder, but he scootched a little closer when he caught one particularly smarmy-looking guy staring at Elizabeth's breasts.

He'd never been able to handle any threat to her with any rationality. When Kolya had told him she was dead, something cold and ugly had taken hold of him, far worse than any "heat of battle" feeling he'd ever experienced before. When the nanites had invaded her body, he'd been beside himself. He'd been struggling to deal with that feeling ever since. He didn't know when Elizabeth had gone from boss to friend to something more, and he was only just grasping that when they found out the Wraith were coming for Atlantis.

The SGC and the IOA had ordered the expedition to evacuate. The city was hidden beneath the water after an impressive display to make it seem like Atlantis was destroyed. The two factions of the Wraith, each blaming the other, had begun to fight.

Now, he and Elizabeth were leading a tiny group of volunteers on a long-term, mostly-hopeless mission to wait out the Wraith civil war. They were cut off from Earth (again) and on their own for everything, beginning with bare survival. The hope of getting Atlantis back was slim. John wasn't going to give up entirely, and he knew Elizabeth wouldn't either, but in the short-term, they had to focus on more important matters.

One creepy man on a backwater planet wasn't much of a threat, but it didn't matter. John was damn well going to make sure nothing else happened to her. Sinking Atlantis and abandoning Earth to stay in Pegasus was enough sacrifice for either of them.

John moved closer, his arm going around Elizabeth instinctively, regardless of what she might feel or the consequences of such a display.

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth picked Lota as their new home because it was a place with enough empty space to accommodate her people and still enough population for them to blend in and disappear. Their ragtag band of survivors all knew to call themselves Tauri, the better to conceal any connection with Atlantis or Earth.

She could trade their labor for the space they need, but unfortunately Itan, the local equivalent of mayor, was after something else.

There weren't a lot of women on Lota that she'd seen. Elizabeth's skin crawled over the way Itan leered at her. John was at her shoulder as usual, and she felt the whipcord tension in his muscles when Itan stared at her chest and queried whether she had a mate.

She wasn't Dr. Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition anymore. She didn't have the weight of Atlantis or the SGC and its military power behind her to use as leverage. Just years of negotiating skills, the talents of her small band of refugees and a good poker face.

There was no thought involved in her movement. She simply looked at John on pure instinct, and then stepped backwards into the arm he brought up to lay possessively across her shoulders.

John all but growled at Itan, "That would be me."

She felt perversely safer with the solid, angry wall of male muscle against her back. At least it was familiar. She knew John would never let anything happen to her, though she didn't dwell on that consciously any more than she could help. Just like she didn't dwell on how she would cope if he wasn't there one day. After watching him get fed on by a hungry Wraith not all that long ago, she'd put that fear into a mental box, refusing to think about how angry she'd been in that moment.

She'd wanted to kill them. Not just the Wraith that was sucking John dry. She wanted Kolya dead. She'd never hated anyone with that level of intensity before, and the reason for it frightened her. It wasn't a good idea to get so attached to a friend who was constantly throwing himself onto grenades (metaphorically) or getting shot at (literally).

Itan merely blinked at John's display and returned to discussing what the Tauri could contribute to Lota. John left his arm around her and Elizabeth leaned into his side just a little. She justified it with the knowledge that the Lotans believed she was with John, so it was good for appearances.

Also his body was warm and his scent comforted her. The arm he had slung around her didn't even feel out of place. The loss of Atlantis was a constant ache in her stomach, but at least John was still here. That was something.

*~*~*~*

MX3-571 had been the location of the last Alpha Site and their way station after they sank Atlantis below the ocean. It hadn't been permanently habitable – the soil wasn't good enough to grow food and the weather was too cold. They'd camped there long enough to trade for clothing and bury a cache of items that were too easy to identify as being from Earth.

They kept their weapons, though. John didn't even have to argue with her over it. Elizabeth wasn't crazy.

Two days after reaching an accord with Itan, she walked through the gate with a pack over her shoulders and John in front of her. It was a perverse reminder of the first trip through the gate to Atlantis. She'd thought then that she was leaving her home, not finding it.

Now she had to build a new one from scratch.

Itan told her where her people would be working, and Elizabeth ate her small supper in front of a fire with John at one side and Rodney on the other. Teyla was across from her, with Ronon lounging nearby. They were a comforting presence in strange surroundings.

The group had taken over an abandoned building with a large common room downstairs and smaller, private rooms above. Thanks to some primitive pipes, there was even running water in a couple of the rooms. It needed work to make it fully habitable, but it was shelter from the elements and big enough to hold the dozen or so of the team. Everyone was tired, but some of the grim atmosphere had dissipated. It was warmer on Lota than it had been on the Alpha site and the prospect of something useful to do was giving everyone a sense of purpose.

Elizabeth hoped it would be enough.

She yawned in the middle of Rodney's explanation of Lotan agriculture (or lack of it). John put a hand on her back. "Our room's upstairs, at the end of the hall."

For a second she froze, confused, before remembering that as far as the Lotans were concerned, John was her husband. It would be expected that they would be... cohabitating.

She recovered from her momentary shock and stood up. A quick glance around the circle of faces showed that a couple people looked surprised, but most of them didn't seem to care that she and John were walking away to go sleep together. Well, in the same space, anyway.

There wasn't much furniture in this place, so they spread their sleeping bags out on the floor next to each other. Still, a silence stretched and it wasn't the usual companionable silence Elizabeth usually felt with him.

John licked his lips, as he always did when he was nervous. "Listen, Elizabeth, maybe we don't have to do this."

She raised an eyebrow even as she yawned again. "What exactly do you think we're doing here, Colonel?" His ears turned red and she felt bad for teasing him when he was trying to be considerate. She folded her hands across her belly and stared at the ceiling. "It's okay, John. Itan and the Lotan council think we're married. It'll look bad if we're not staying together at night." She sighed. "I'm sorry I got you into this."

He shrugged. "It could be worse. If I wasn't married to you, I'd probably be sleeping with Rodney or Ronon, and both of them snore like buzz saws."

"Gee, thanks."

John grinned. "You don't snore, do you?"

"Not to my knowledge. It's been a while since anyone was in a position to tell me."

John swallowed and Elizabeth considered that she probably should stop talking. She was tired and her filters were functioning even less than they usually did around him. "Why don't we just get through the next few weeks? Maybe we can find a loophole, or explain the concept of divorce to the Lotans at some point." She wasn't eager for Itan to think she was available, but maybe given some time he'd get bored with her.

For a second she thought John looked disappointed, but he turned away and nodded. "I want to check with the Marines one more time, make sure the night watch was set. I'll be back in a bit."

She waved him off as she yawned yet again. Elizabeth discreetly took off her bra (she'd kept her undergarments, reasoning they wouldn't be seen by anyone and give away their identity) and removed her boots and made herself as comfortable as she could. She was more or less asleep when she heard John come back and settle down for the night, his sleeping bag in between her and the door. He brushed his fingers against her hand and whispered "good night" before she fell completely asleep.

*~*~*~*

John was surprised at how fast sleeping next to Elizabeth became normal. At the Alpha Site he'd been sharing with Ronon. Now he was sharing a room with her in their new home. Granted, they were sleeping in individual sleeping bags, so it wasn't really sleeping _together_, but he quickly got used to it.

He had nightmares of Atlantis sinking around them, not peacefully but in chaos and fire. The water crashed into the gate room and swept Elizabeth away from his grasp, or the Wraith beamed in and one of them fed off of Elizabeth while he watched in frozen horror. When he woke up, his heart in his throat, he would close his eyes and listen to the sound of her quiet breathing in the night until he could sleep again.

More than once, back in the city, he and Elizabeth ended up staying up too late on her balcony or in the mess, just sitting together, talking quietly. Usually something had happened, one or both of them in danger. They'd need sleep, but the comfort of seeing her alive and tired and giddy with sleep-deprivation had been more important than rest.

Now he could comfort himself and sleep at the same time.

Their small team divided up into groups – some went to work with the Lotans, a couple stayed to do repair work in their building and, thanks to Elizabeth's negotiation skills, a few of their people stayed under the Lotans' radar, either going off-world on trading missions or keeping an eye on the Stargate. He knew if the Wraith came, it would probably be in ships, but he couldn't settle unless someone was guarding the gate, and Ronon and Teyla seemed to feel the same way.

Carson took to fishing with the Lotans better than anyone expected. Between his enthusiasm and Rodney and Radek's engineering skills, they managed to help improve the efficiency of the Lotans within a month of their arrival. It went a long way towards easing tension with the natives. John could understand the Lotans' suspicion of outsiders; he'd run across it often enough on missions. Now they'd proven they wanted to contribute to life on Lota in a substantial way.

Or so Elizabeth told him after her monthly meeting with the village council. John had been on a fishing trip at the time of the meeting, so Ronon had gone with Elizabeth. It turned out the big guy got horrifically seasick on the choppy water of the Lotan sea, so he spent all his time doing other jobs, or going off-world on recon missions. Ronon never was happy unless he was hunting Wraith.

Elizabeth looked tired but the deep line on her forehead had disappeared for the moment. For the first time since they arrived, John felt some of the tension in his shoulders go. He decided not to ask about Itan and his continual leering at her during those meetings. Ronon was a pretty effective deterrent, and John didn't want to spoil her mood.

He looked forward to getting his turn on the detail that worked in their building, though, so he could keep an eye on Elizabeth himself. Itan wasn't the only guy in the village who had noticed Elizabeth, even if she was considered married. John wasn't going to take any chances with her safety.

And he refused to allow himself any other reasons for his hovering beyond that.

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth gathered snippets of information about the Lotans' culture and practices when she could. Keeping everyone occupied and doing her share of the work took up most of her time, but in the meals she was compelled to share with the elders and her time in the village, she quietly absorbed that the Lotans were not very devout in their worship of the ancestors, and that their gender roles were more rigid than the Western culture she'd grown up in. Women had little agency in life unless they were married, and even then it wasn't much. What the Lotans did take seriously was marriage. Infidelity was taboo, and could result in the cheating partner being banished out into the desert that sprang up a few miles inland, or tossed through the Stargate altogether. It was possible for either person to break a mating bond, however, if there were no children. It made sense for a society that needed to "be fruitful and multiply" to ensure survival under threat of the Wraith to allow for divorce if there were no offspring. Elizabeth remembered Teyla explaining Athosian customs in a similar way.

Topir, one of the leaders of the village who had to be near 70 years old, explained all of this to Elizabeth one night at dinner. John sat next to her, occasionally putting his arm around her shoulders or resting a hand on her back. It surprised her at first, how easily he slipped into the role of her husband in front of the Lotans, before she remembered that he had practice at this.

He insisted on going with her to the dinners, the better to ward of Itan's advances. Itan had lost his wife to the Wraith a few years ago and it was known that Elizabeth was childless, so while what he was doing was skeevy as hell as far as Elizabeth was concerned, she couldn't really lean on Lotan custom to get him to stop.

Of course, John's possessive glares only seemed to amuse Itan, which just made John angrier. In the end, Elizabeth wasn't entirely sure his presence was helping, but she knew better than to try and convince him not to come with her. She'd learned that much about John Sheppard's protective streak in three years, and secretly Elizabeth kind of enjoyed the casual touching and the implied intimacy. Not that she'd admit that, even to herself.

"I don't trust that guy," John muttered as they walked back to their house that night.

"I don't either, but there's nothing we can do."

Both of Lota's moons were up, and John twisted to look at her for a moment. He seemed on the point of saying something, then he sighed and rubbed his face with one hand. "Just promise me you'll be careful around him, okay? Don't go see him without me or Ronon."

She bristled just a little at that. For one thing, she didn't need John lecturing her about not getting caught alone with a guy who creeped her out the way Itan did. For another, she wasn't loving the possessive attitude he was pulling, even though she understood his motivation.

"John, I can't afford to look weak in front of the Lotans."

"I'm less worried about appearances than I am about that asshole doing something because he thinks he can get you to leave me."

Elizabeth startled at that. John almost never cursed in front of her, but that wasn't what made her jump. It was the tone of his voice when he implied that she _belonged_ with him. He didn't sound cocky or dominating. He sounded almost afraid.

John was assiduously not looking at her. She caught up with him and then couldn't come up with anything to say that wouldn't make him even more uncomfortable. She'd learned that about him too, but she felt compelled to reassure him somehow. She reached out and grasped his hand in hers for a moment. His hand was calloused and dry but warm against her skin.

John glanced over at her, but the moonlight shadowed his face and she couldn't see his eyes. Then his fingers squeezed hers tightly. Her heart sped up a little. She didn't attempt to pull away and John made no move to release her. Even with the increased risk of tripping over the rough ground in the dark, it wasn't until they were nearly at their own door that they let go.

*~*~*~*

Lota reminded Elizabeth a little of Scotland, especially the craggy, cave-riddled cliffs that rose along the southern edge of the harbor near the town. The water wasn't quite so cold, though, and the beach had a strip of white sand more suited to the Caribbean.

John, of course, pointed out that should the Wraith return, the caves near the salt water would be the best place to hide.

Hopefully the Wraith wouldn't return. The apparent destruction of Atlantis had done what it was intended to do – pitted two warring factions of the Wraith against one another, each believing the other had killed any chance of reaching Earth. The civil war was spreading, according to what intelligence John, Ronon and Teyla were able to gather.

Keeping an eye on the Wraith was the flimsy excuse for their people remaining in Pegasus. She suspected the only reason the SGC and Pentagon allowed it was that the generals knew it was futile to order her or John back to Earth as long as there was any remote chance of returning to Atlantis.

When the decision was made about the city, Elizabeth asked for a small team of volunteers to remain behind in Pegasus. Over half her people signed up and she had to winnow down the list ruthlessly. She would have liked to have sent both Radek and Rodney back to Earth, but they were needed to pull off the sinking of the city, and when she tried to apologize Rodney looked at her like she'd started speaking another language and Radek shushed her, looking slightly embarrassed.

Carson was the real battle, though. She'd known John would never leave willingly, and that Major Lorne and most of the Marines would be willing to stay, though she sent Lorne back to Earth, in the hope that having someone from Atlantis at the SGC might help keep Pegasus on everyone's minds there.

Elizabeth and Dr. Biro both argued with Carson, trying to change his mind. Anne was, as she herself pointed out, a middle-aged single woman with no children and no relatives living. Her deciding to stay in Pegasus made sense. Carson had his mother and siblings to go home to. Finally Elizabeth had to concede that she couldn't change his mind, but he was the last civilian, other than herself, Elizabeth allowed to join the mission.

Many of the rooms in their new home were either dirty or broken down and needed repairs before they were ready to be used. Elizabeth and John had gotten the first habitable one for the sake of appearances. Meanwhile everyone else slept in the common room downstairs. The large central fireplace also made it the area where everyone shared their meals and spent their downtime. Elizabeth found she looked forward to eating supper with her people, listening to the conversation about the day's events and random bits of gossip from the village. The quiet companionship was something she desperately needed on some days when remembering Atlantis hurt so much she couldn't breathe. It was maddening to know the city was waiting for them out there, and they couldn't go back. She did her best not to think about it much.

In Atlantis, her meals had usually been working ones or solitary. Only a few people – John, Teyla – would sit with the expedition's leader and just to talk. On Lota, though, things were different. She was still nominally in charge, or at least sharing that authority with John given the nature of their mission here, but she felt less like she was in a glass cage. The IOA wasn't looking over her shoulder anymore. She could tease and joke and even argue without worrying about how it looked. She actually chucked a piece of vegetable at John one night when he was being particularly juvenile. The look of shock on his face had been priceless, and she had thought to herself it was a good thing they didn't sleep in beds, otherwise he'd probably try to short-sheet her or something in retaliation.

That thought brought thoughts of her and John and a bed that Elizabeth had shut down rather quickly. Sometimes she felt the whole husband-and-wife role playing thing was going to her head.

As each room upstairs was finished, there was a random lottery to choose which person got the next space. Sergeant Stackhouse got the first one, followed by Biro, then Rodney, then Teyla.

Three months into their stay, Teyla moved into her room. It wasn't surprising when she departed from the common room a bit earlier than usual that evening; privacy was something to be cherished, and Teyla was still going to New Athos periodically to check in on her people. She'd been looking worn lately, and it was in the back of Elizabeth's mind to ask if things were okay, but she hadn't gotten around to it yet.

However, only a few minutes went by after Teyla's departure before Carson quietly excused himself as well.

Elizabeth suddenly realized why it was that Teyla and Carson both seemed to enjoy going off in the evenings to take walks on the beach before supper. They hadn't always gone alone, so she hadn't made the connection until now.

John was next to her, his usual place on most nights. His jaw was hanging open and he and Rodney were about to start saying something that she just knew would be inappropriate. Elizabeth elbowed and gave him a stern look. His mouth snapped shut but she had a feeling there was going to be teasing about this later.

*~*~*~*

For once, John was already in bed when Elizabeth came in for the night. She'd been whispering in a corner with Biro when he'd been ready to turn in. He was doing manual labor in the meager farmland outside of the village this week and his body was sore and ready to rest. However, he waited for Elizabeth, knowing she probably wanted to talk.

Sure enough, she plopped down onto her sleeping bag and shot him a wry look. "So I take it you didn't know about that?"

"Teyla and Carson?" he asked, even though it was obvious.

"What else?" She was watching him intently. He realized Elizabeth was worried about his reaction to this development. He could admit to himself that a tiny spark of jealousy had flared for a second earlier, but he and Teyla had only ever been friends, and would only ever be.

John put his hands behind his head. "No idea. I wonder how long that's been going on?" He'd heard rumors Teyla was seeing someone back in Atlantis, but that had been right before they found out about the Wraith armadas headed their way. Gossip had taken a backseat to survival.

"I'm not sure," she said. "Anne didn't know, but it's been since before..." She shrugged to indicate the sinking of the city and their relocation to Lota.

"That would explain why Carson wanted to come with us."

Elizabeth nodded and turned away. "I'd been wondering," she said, her voice muffled while she changed into the baggy shirt she slept in. Usually he wasn't here when she was changing and the temptation got the better of him for a second. He got a glimpse of bare back and her spine was visible underneath her smooth skin before the fabric fell down and he silently scolded himself and looked away. She rustled around a bit and then stretched out on her side, facing him.

"Me too. Scratching out a living like this didn't seem like his thing." John didn't add that it wasn't really Elizabeth's thing either, though she was handling it with the same grace and resolve she did everything.

She was quiet for a moment. "Do you think we need to do anything? About people pairing off, I mean."

His eyebrows went up. "Is there anything we could do?" He was surprised. Elizabeth usually was pretty careful about staying out of people's private business.

She sat up, her hair loose over her shoulders from the knot she usually kept it in during the day. The shirt hung off her and absurdly, John thought this was what she looked like when she was in college, staying up late talking to people in her pajamas in a dorm room. "I wasn't suggesting we interfere. Teyla may be on your team but she's not military and Carson is a civilian. I don't really care what they do." Her cheeks turned a bit pink in the low light and John bit back a grin. "But strictly speaking you and the Marines are still under military law."

John had never put too much stock in following regs to the letter. Certain things just weren't practical on the front lines of a war zone, and all of Pegasus was one, thanks to the Wraith. On a personal level he didn't give a damn what any of the military personnel did as long as it didn't interfere with their work. The same went for everyone else, and in a small group out on their own like this, the distinction between military and civilian was already hopelessly blurred anyway. "There's no rule against relationships with civilians." He left out that he doubted any of the Marines leaned towards same-sex relationships, and since all the military personnel were male, that probably wouldn't be an issue. "I think we'd face more problems if one of our people got involved with one of the Lotans."

"There's that too," Elizabeth sighed. "Not to mention-"

John propped himself up on one elbow, curious at the way her faint blush had turned bright red. "Not to mention what?"

Her eyes lingered on his bare chest for a moment. He was sleeping in his boxers and nothing else, due to the weather having warmed significantly in recent weeks. For a second his heart sped up, but Elizabeth looked away. "Not to mention, the Lotans don't seem to have much in the way of birth control methods."

He blinked. "Oh."

Elizabeth shot him a withering look. "It's not something most Pegasus cultures would even consider. And our supplies aren't going to last forever. We're going to have to prepare for the possible consequences."

The last few months had been about basic survival and short-term planning. But Elizabeth was right. If they were staying here for the long haul, people hooking up and having kids was something they'd have to deal with.

"It might be a good thing," he pointed out. When she raised an eyebrow, he continued. "It would give people something to focus on. Roots." Something more than subsistence, merely surviving and waiting for a chance that probably would never come.

Elizabeth looked at their small lamp, a thoughtful expression on her face. John couldn't help wondering what she would look like holding a baby, or with her stomach swollen. His mind also flashed to other things involving Elizabeth and the very earliest stages of pregnancy. He shut those thoughts away.

Before he could stop himself, he asked, "Have you ever thought about it?" He'd learned years ago that late night chats with her would make him talk about things he would never have spoken of voluntarily in the light of day. Elizabeth had that effect on him.

Her eyes went wide for a second before she turned rueful. "I was always too focused on my career. I used to think, 'maybe someday.' But I never really wanted it, you know?"

He nodded. She was looking at him expectantly and he cleared his throat. "My ex-wife always said she wanted kids, but we weren't ready to start a family while we were together." That was the understatement of the decade, John thought privately. He wasn't sure now he'd been ready to even get married back then.

Elizabeth shocked him with her next words. "You'd be a wonderful father."

He could only stare at her for a moment. Her voice was low and gentle, filled with confidence that made warmth go through him, a mix of pride and something else.

She looked a little embarrassed, and God help him, he thought it was cute. He offered her his best grin. "You'd be a great mom. Though I think you'd let the kid get away with everything even when you didn't want to." He didn't mention that was basically how their working relationship functioned.

Elizabeth smiled ruefully. "Well, I've had a lot of practice dealing with you and Rodney," she shot back, lying down with her back to him. "Good night, John."

That stung his pride a little. He was far more reasonable than Rodney, he thought. He might have been able to talk Elizabeth into things, but on the other hand, usually he also did anything she asked. "G'night, Elizabeth."

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth didn't know it, but her comment to John about birth control turned out to be prophetic and much sooner than she expected. The sight of Teyla and Carson living in the same quarters had only just become commonplace when Teyla asked to speak with her in private.

They went to Teyla's room, which was next to Elizabeth and John's. Teyla sat on the bench before the small fireplace – which was dark due to the warm weather – and gestured for Elizabeth to sit down near her. She looked anxious and Elizabeth felt herself tense in anticipation, remembering how tired Teyla had been looking lately. "Teyla, what was it?"

"You know that Carson and I are in a relationship." Elizabeth nodded. "We began seeing each other not long before we learned of the impending Wraith attack on Atlantis. Even though it has only been a few months..." The younger woman took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant, Elizabeth."

For a moment she just stared in shock. When she'd mentioned this possibility to John, she'd been thinking a few months from now it might come up. Not less than a week later.

Teyla hurried to fill the silence. "We have known for a few weeks, but I thought it would be better to allow everyone to learn of our relationship before news of the child came out..."

Teyla was almost babbling, which was unusual, and Elizabeth remembered in that moment how young her friend really was. She'd gotten into a romantic relationship with a man from an entirely different galaxy, had to abandon what had become her home yet again, was living apart from her people and now she was pregnant.

Dr. Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition, might not have done it, but Elizabeth leaned forward and wrapped Teyla in a hug. The way Teyla immediately clung to her told Elizabeth all she needed to know.

"Congratulations," she said, drawing back and smiling.

Teyla laughed lightly, her eyes watering. "Thank you. I wasn't entirely sure how you would take the news, given our situation here."

Elizabeth squeezed her hand. "I'm happy for you both. We'll have to throw you a baby shower when you get closer to your due date."

They talked for a bit about the baby and baby showers, and about Carson. Finally Elizabeth could hear voices downstairs and knew it was time for supper. She turned serious for a moment. "Do you want me to tell John?"

Teyla paused, then shook her head. "I will. Even if we are not still going on missions together, they're still my team."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "You're going to tell all three of them at once?"

The grin she got in response was almost evil. Elizabeth chuckled. "I wish we could videotape that one."

*~*~*~*

John stared at Teyla for a long moment after she delivered her news, not sure what to say. Rodney was opening and closing his mouth rapidly before he gulped out a "wow."

Ronon was the one who got up and lifted Teyla up in a bear-hug that made her squeak. He beamed. "Congratulations."

John echoed the sentiment and Teyla glanced at him, her expression grateful.

Ronon pouted a little. "I guess this means I don't get to threaten Carson about how he treats you, huh?"

She narrowed her eyes. "If you threaten him for any reason, I will revisit it upon you many times over," she promised. Then she wobbled a little and it was probably comical how fast all three of them surged forward to help her. She sat down on the stool and grimaced. "Once the nausea passes."

"Do you need a bucket?" Rodney asked worriedly, looking around. They were in Rodney and Radek's "shop" which was in a small building next door to their home. It was the rustic version of a lab, cluttered with tools and projects and papers. John had been skeptical of how Rodney would occupy his time on Lota when he wasn't doing manual labor, but he seemed relatively content to putter at improving life here with as many conveniences he and Radek could replicate. They still argued with each other over theories and stuff too, in between chores like reinventing indoor plumbing.

Radek was getting a reputation as a good person to fix things in the village, something Elizabeth was grateful for. Rodney had skills too, but he was still _Rodney_. Radek was more approachable.

Teyla breathed deeply for a moment before reassuring Rodney she wasn't about to puke all over his floor. He and Ronon headed off for their daily work detail in a few minutes, but she put a hand on John's arm. "I told Elizabeth this news last night, but I asked her to let me tell you myself."

Elizabeth had been shooting him curious looked last night as they got ready for bed. Now at least John knew why.

"My people will hold a celebration in a few weeks' time. I would be honored if you and Elizabeth came with us for it."

She still looked a little apprehensive and he smiled and patted her shoulder awkwardly. "I wouldn't miss it."

Her smile was full and genuine and they went out into the hot sunshine together. He added, "We may have to tie Elizabeth up to get her to go, though."

*~*~*~*

Even as time stretched on, the team didn't mix much with the Lotans. Elizabeth hosted some of the village leaders in the common room from time to time, to keep up her goodwill with them. It was during one of those evenings that she slipped up and mentioned she and John were still sleeping on the floor. Itan wasn't at this meal, which accounted for Elizabeth speaking that freely to someone outside their team.

Topir was appalled that she and her husband were forced to sleep on the ground, and a few days later he and his family brought a bed for their use. Elizabeth blushed bright red as Topir's sons carried the pieces into the house and assembled it while Topir offered John wishes that the bed would help them produce children.

John's ears were practically glowing. Most of the people gathered around were looking politely amused, though Elizabeth knew there would probably be jokes about this later.

She managed to thank Topir politely. They already had buckets and a washtub for water, and bench to put near the fireplace but it was hard to tear her eyes from the bed. As embarrassing as the circumstances were, Elizabeth admitted she was really looking forward to not sleeping on the floor for the first time in four months.

After she offered the guests food as a thank you, Topir and the others drifted away. Elizabeth decided she needed to face the situation and go to bed. She bade everyone goodnight and headed upstairs.

As usual, John followed a little while later, after his ritual check-in with the guard watching the Stargate. Elizabeth had changed into her other set of clothes – a loose tunic that hung almost to her knees that Teyla had gotten for her off-world. It was a bit like wearing her older brother's shirt to sleep in, but it was comfortable and she liked being able to change her clothes to sleep.

John cleared his throat as he approached her. "So."

"So."

He rubbed a hand over the back of his head. "I can take the sleeping bags and stretch out near the fireplace," he offered.

She sighed. "That won't work, John. If someone comes in unexpectedly and finds you sleeping on the floor it could cause a lot of problems."

"We could just tell them we had a fight or something," he replied. "The Lotan version of sleeping on the couch for the night."

She smiled a little at that. "It's not fair, though, for me to take the bed for myself."

"Elizabeth-" he started to protest, his voice dropping lower, but she held up a hand.

"Look, John, I'm sorry that I got you into this situation in the first place. I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor on top of that."

"You didn't have a choice."

"Yes, I did," she contradicted, looking down at her hands. "I could've just told Itan I wasn't interested and left you out of it. That way you wouldn't be stuck here with me."

"You're assuming I wouldn't have been here anyway," he pointed out. Her breath caught in her throat but before she could parse that statement, John hurriedly added, "And I'm not sure a polite refusal would've deterred that bastard."

Her head was spinning slightly as he came around the other side of the bed. "Well, if we're going to share, you take the side closer to the fireplace. I should be nearer to the door."

She scooted over and did her best to plaster a smile across her face. "Also you sleep on your right side most of the time?" She'd noticed that when they first started sharing a room.

John sat down and began untying his boots. "That too."

Elizabeth settled herself on the bed, giving an appreciative sigh. The mattress was hardly perfect but still a big improvement over the floor. They'd spread her sleeping bag across it as padding, leaving the other one as a blanket, which wasn't needed tonight but would probably come in handy when winter came. Topir's daughter-in-law had provided rudimentary pillows as well.

John looked down at her, smirking as he stripped his shirt off. "Comfy?"

Elizabeth was tempted to stick her tongue out. "It beats the floor." She allowed her eyes to rake over his chest and shoulders for a second while his face was hidden before looking away. Though it was part of his job requirement to be in shape, all the physical labor in the last few months had added definition to his muscles. She'd always had a weakness for nice shoulders on a guy, too.

She drew in a deep breath and pushed such thoughts far, far away.

The bed shifted as John, wearing nothing but his underwear, stretched out alongside her with a groan. "It does at that."

They lay in companionable silence for a bit. Elizabeth grew sleepy and curled up on her side, facing John. Her hand brushed against his arm as she settled, and her fingers unconsciously wrapped around his wrist as she drifted off.

*~*~*~*

For a long time John couldn't push the awareness of Elizabeth lying next to him away enough to relax and fall asleep.  
It was a bit ridiculous. They'd been sleeping side by side for months now, but there'd been sleeping bags and enough distance that it was more like having a roommate. Now she was _right there_, in the bed, nothing in between them.

He was slightly afraid of what he might do unconsciously. If he was half-asleep and in bed with Elizabeth, what if his instincts took over? What if he did or said something that revealed what he tried so hard not to say aloud?

That thought was only slightly less scary than the thought that Elizabeth already knew what he was thinking and had invited him into the bed anyway. There were times lately when she looked at him in a way that made his heart speed up, like she already knew everything he was trying to keep under. In those moments, he wondered why he was bothering to hide. He thought about reaching out, closing the gap and doing something reckless like kissing her until they both passed out, but the moment always passed and he ended up holding back and then telling himself he'd imagined the whole thing.

He made himself roll onto his side, his back to her, and concentrated on slowing his breathing and relaxing. He drifted off at some point, waking again when the light outside was the grey of early morning. He resisted waking up, feeling far more comfortable than he had in a long time. At first he assumed that was due to the bed, then he realized he was actually very warm.

Elizabeth was behind him. In fact, she was plastered tightly against his back, her breath hitting the nape of his neck and her arm around his waist.

He'd been so caught up worrying about what he might do, it had never occurred to him that _Elizabeth_ would be the one to breach the distance between them like this.

He stayed still for a long time. His body was reacting to her closeness in a way he was struggling to ignore, and he couldn't figure out whether Elizabeth would be merely chagrined or want to die of embarrassment if she woke up with them like this. He was pretty sure it would be one or the other, though.

In the end, he slipped out of her arms and left to go use the communal bathroom down the hall. He took his time about it, and when he returned, Elizabeth had turned over.

John stood by the side of the bed, remembering how it felt to have Elizabeth spooned up against him, and wondered how he was going to survive night after night like this without going insane.

*~*~*~*

She'd made a passing comment at supper one night about getting "into the groove" of life on Lota and it had become a running gag. People kept making jokes about "grooving" along and so forth. She rolled her eyes every time, but secretly Elizabeth was rather pleased to have started that kind of in-joke, even if it wasn't intentional. As the expedition leader, she hadn't gotten to participate in the chatter in Atlantis in that way.

It was true, though, that her people had adapted to life here, to the point where she barely needed to direct anyone anymore. The rhythm of work and rest had been established, leaving her free to contribute more directly, including helping gather food for winter.

When summer hit its peak and the days were sweltering, a certain type of berry that the Lotans used in making jam was ripe. Many of the villagers were going out into the fields to pick them, including Elizabeth.

The berry bushes grew in the rolling fields that stretched inland. The temperature rose the further they got from the water and Elizabeth was sweating heavily before they even reached their destination. She'd learned her first day of this job to wear a hat, but there wasn't a breath of air moving as she crouched and moved along the natural hedge of berry bushes.

Sweat stung her eyes. She wiped it away but there was always more. Her shirt was damp with sweat as well, so there wasn't much to do but keep going. Her basket was nearly full anyway. Soon she could get up and go over to the tiny island of shade under a tree nearby to get an empty basket and sit a moment. Ainye, the woman supervising the work, had urged everyone this morning not to push themselves too hard.

Impatiently swiping at her forehead, Elizabeth moved to the next bush and knelt down. She forced her mind to think about something other than how hot she was, though that thought made her cheeks flush.

A few weeks had gone by since Topir brought the bed to the house. A couple mornings later, Elizabeth had woken to find John spooned up against her. She'd managed to wriggle free of his arms – reluctantly, if she was honest, because it had felt nice to be held that way – and pretended not to notice his erection.

A few days later, she woke up to find herself clinging to John, her nose pressed against the nape of his neck. She'd actually snuggled into him before remembering where she was.

That first week had been full of awkward moments like that. They avoided each other's eyes and carefully didn't speak of what was happening over night. Elizabeth had told herself things would get easier, that they just needed time to adjust to this situation.

Two weeks went by without improvement and it got harder and harder to ignore the elephant in the room.

Then John had gone on a recon mission with Ronon. The Athosians had heard some information about a battle between Wraith hive ships and they went to check it out. He was gone two days and Elizabeth got the chance to sleep alone for the first time in months.

She'd gone to bed early that night. In spite of residual worry about John and Ronon, she wanted to savor the solitude. Which she did, by doing something she hadn't had a chance to do in a very long time.

She had fantasized about John the entire time she was masturbating. She told herself that wasn't unheard of; it had happened in Atlantis, and it made sense after spending so much time with him. They were sharing a bed. Was it any wonder her current sexual fantasies revolved around him?

Foolishly, she hoped relieving her own tension would mean when John came back, she would keep her hands to herself, but it didn't work out that way. Lying there listening to him breathing beside her, it was too easy to remember her fantasies, imagine him moving to touch her, or her rolling over and straddling him, and on and on.

John, for his part, looked at her like she was crazy a little more than usual, but didn't seem to notice a difference.

And he was still just as clingy in his sleep as he'd been before.

Elizabeth didn't know what they were going to do.

Her basket was finally full enough and she climbed to her feet. But when she turned around to head for the tree, the world kept spinning and she was unconscious before she hit the ground.

*~*~*~*

The last few rooms in the building needing repairs were in the worst shape. Radek had concocted something like mortar to fix up the walls and he and John were patching holes in one of the bigger upstairs rooms when they heard someone burst in downstairs.

John ran down the stairs, wondering if someone was breaking in, but it was one of the kids from the village. The children served as messengers, and the worry on the girl's face made his stomach clench.

"Sheppard! You must come. Elizabeth had collapsed."

John heard Radek behind him, but he didn't wait. He bolted for the door and ran for the fields as fast as he could.

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth was already feeling pretty foolish before she saw John running towards her. She should have known they would summon him – to the Lotans, it would be unforgivable not to tell John his wife had passed out. The knot of people who had gathered around her in alarm when she fainted drifted away as he approached.

John crashed to his knees next to her, his face white with fear. "Are you okay?"

She reached out and he grasped her hand. "I'm fine, John. I just got a little dizzy."

Ainye harrumphed. "She fainted and fell down," she contradicted in spite of Elizabeth's glare.

John immediately began feeling her head for bumps, even though she weakly protested. She was surprised by how worried he seemed. She knew he would be alarmed but his fear was stronger than she would have expected.

His fingers threaded through her sweat-damp hair and Elizabeth's breath went in spite of herself. Even with the heat, it felt very good and her eyes closed involuntarily.

John's hands slowly withdrew from her hair but one of them touched her cheek. He breathed out her name and she looked up into his eyes and it felt like everything came to a standstill.

He was touching her... like he did at night, when he was asleep and not in control, gripping her hand tightly, his fingers stroking her skin gently. And the look in his eyes was one she'd only seen a handful of times before, whenever she'd been in danger and he was feeling too much for him to conceal.

The raw emotion in his face pierced her. She had thought she understood John so well, and she knew, of course, that they were more than friends or comrades.

But a different kind of heat rolled through her, almost in answer to his look, something inside her melting at the intensity in his eyes. The world shifted and she realized this was something _more_.

But it made everything even more complicated.

Ainye cut through the moment. "Elizabeth, might you be with child?"

She and John both startled and blushed. He opened his mouth to deny it, looking alarmed, but Elizabeth clenched her fingers around his hand as tightly as she could and spoke before he could blurt out a denial that could cause them problems. "I don't think so, Ainye." John squeezed her hand back in silent apology for the near-mistake.

The woman clucked over Elizabeth a bit more, insisting that John take Elizabeth home right away so she could rest. John agreed readily and the set of his shoulders told Elizabeth there was no point arguing. She let him help her sit up carefully, and then she tried standing. Her head ached and her legs trembled a little, but with John's help she could stay up. They started to walk back to the village, John's arm around her waist and her arm around his shoulders. Ainye called after them that Elizabeth should rest tomorrow and stay out of the heat.

The whole way back, she was hyperaware of John walking slowly beside her and the way his eyes kept going anxiously to her face. But she needed time to process what just happened, and until she then, she wasn't sure what to say or do.

*~*~*~*~*

 

Radek had gone for Carson and they were waiting when John brought Elizabeth back to the house. Thankfully Carson had always been effective at silencing Elizabeth's protests and he insisted on examining her "just in case." John stepped out into the hallway and tried not to hover too close to the door.

Elizabeth had scared the hell out of him, and honestly, John was a bit scared of himself. As soon as he heard she was hurt, everything else had faded from his mind. Everything. That was dangerous. He had obligations to the rest of their team, and even to the Lotans. He couldn't afford to be so single-minded.

He paced up and down the hall and groaned under his breath. It was past the point of shoulds, now. It just _was_.

He was in love with Elizabeth. He stopped, his hands clasped behind his neck, staring down at the floor. Admitting it to himself didn't feel nearly as shocking as he would've thought. He'd known this on some level since... well, since the last time she'd fainted, when the nanites had taken over her body. Every day since then the truth of it had sunk in a little more.

He started pacing again. He was pretty sure that Elizabeth figured this out today too. It probably had been showing on his face when he got to her. He hadn't been able to try and hide anything in that moment.

And when Elizabeth had looked up at him, for a second he thought he saw something in her face. But the mask came down again and Ainye had been talking and now he had no idea what to do.

He heard footsteps on the stairs and Teyla hurried into view, Ronon behind her. "John?"

He pulled himself together, trying to imagine what Elizabeth would say right now. The village wasn't big; everyone was going to hear about this by nightfall and their people were going to need reassurance. "She's okay," he said aloud. "She was picking berries with the others and fainted from the heat."

"Beckett?" Ronon asked. John nodded towards the door.

On cue it opened and Carson called him inside. Elizabeth was sitting on the chair John had bartered for a few weeks ago on Talas and brought back for her. Knowing better than to address his questions to Carson (Elizabeth would explode if John acted like she couldn't talk for herself) he asked her for the third or fourth time in an hour, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, really."

"No, you're not, and I'll be the judge of it for now," Carson retorted. She bristled a little. "When you're foolish enough to work in the hot sun on almost no food or water until you faint, you don't get to decide."

John frowned. Elizabeth had always been slender, but he knew she'd lost even more weight living here, and that wasn't good. Though he tried not to dwell on it, John remembered feeling her ribs one night when he woke up wrapped around her.

"I didn't faint, I passed out," Elizabeth muttered in reply to Carson.

"Faint is the proper medical term," he told her, his lips twitching a little. Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest. She was still pale and sweating.

"She needs to rest, today and all day tomorrow at the least," Carson told him. "Right now she should go have a bath in some cool water and then get to bed and eat something."

John swallowed hard. He didn't want to let Elizabeth out of his sight, but he couldn't help her take a bath. Well, he'd be willing, but no. "Teyla's outside," he suggested.

Carson nodded. "I'll go ask her to get the water running. Not exactly an Olympic pool but it'll do for now."

Elizabeth looked grumpy, and John knew without asking that she was already embarrassed about the fussing that everyone was going to do. If she was this annoyed with Carson, everyone else worrying about her was going to make her crazy.

John smothered a grin at that. At least he wouldn't have to worry about her overdoing it with all of their people mother-henning her. "I'll leave you with Teyla and go get something for you to eat." She opened her mouth to protest and he waved a finger at her. "Don't even try it, Elizabeth."

He saw her swallow at the sound of her name. Then she sighed loudly. "Fine."

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth hated feeling useless. Long before she'd ever heard of the Stargate or Atlantis, she'd never been good at being idle. She was one of those people who worked most of the time and then had hobbies during the rest. True, Atlantis hadn't allowed a lot of time that wasn't work, and she had been getting better about letting her down time be actual _down time_ \- something she blamed on a persuasive military commander.

Still, doctor-mandated boredom couldn't be good for her, so mid-morning Elizabeth sat down in the high-backed chair John had gotten for her and went to work on her knitting. She and Anne Biro had been talking about practicing their rusty knitting skills and asked Radek to see if he could make some knitting needles. This morning when she got up she found a basket with some of the yarn-like material they'd traded for and two reasonable facsimiles of needles inside. Sitting quietly and knitting couldn't be called exerting herself, really, so she could do something and not violate Carson's orders.

She had felt fairly wretched last night, and though she probably wouldn't admit it to Carson, the bath had been wonderful. She'd eaten some of the food John had brought – while consciously not thinking about John waiting on her hand and foot. At least he'd let her feed herself.

Her mind flashed to an image of John that close, holding a spoon up to her lips, and she nearly dropped a stitch before bringing herself back to reality.

Thankfully she'd fallen asleep early and stayed in bed late. John had been gone when she woke up, sparing them any awkward moments this morning.

She let her hands take up the rhythm of knitting and her mind drifted back to yesterday afternoon. It would be easy, and maybe simpler, to write off what she thought she saw to the illness. It wasn't like she hadn't seen John worried about her before. It was part of his job to take care of her, and if she knew anything about John Sheppard, it was that he was fiercely protective of his people.

Then again, she also knew that particular low tone of his voice she heard yesterday. He never used it for anyone else, not even Teyla.

He didn't _look_ like that at anyone else either.

Questions swirled through her head, doubts mixing with worries about what might happen now. This could cause all sorts of complications. It was already confusing enough keeping up a pretense with the Lotans. Though it did help explain John's willingness to let the Lotans believe they were married, and his almost feral reaction to Itan's flirting.

On the other hand, she asked herself, would anything really change now? So she thought she got a glimpse of something. It wasn't like John had done it on purpose. If he really felt that strongly, wouldn't he have said something by now?

She actually snorted a little at that. John Sheppard, talking about his feelings? Voluntarily? More likely the Wraith would all become vegetarians.

All of which left aside whether she even wanted John to say something, and she wasn't sure she did. Even thinking about it made her stomach tingle with nerves, which probably wasn't a good sign.

Before her mind could continue chasing its own tail, there was a knock on the door and Teyla came in. Now that Elizabeth knew about the baby, it was more visible that Teyla had gained a bit of weight. She wasn't showing yet but it wouldn't be long now.

Teyla approached the chair, smiling a little. "Dare I ask how you're feeling?"

Elizabeth pretended to frown, but she knew Teyla was teasing her. "I'm fine," she said for what felt like the hundredth time.

Teyla folded her hands together. "Well, I've been sent to bring you down to eat lunch."

John, or Carson, of course. The Lotans knew Teyla was pregnant, and given the high value they placed on children, that meant Teyla was allowed to remain in the village doing light chores. Not that she always did, but Elizabeth suspected Carson's influence was mollifying Teyla's desire to prove to everyone she could still fight bad guys and kill Wraith and haul heavy objects around.

Elizabeth stood up and started to fold up her knitting, but Teyla reached out and fingered the narrow strip of material. She held it out for Teyla to see. "Radek must have left them for me."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, he gave them to John last night when he came down to eat his meal." Elizabeth raised her eyebrows and Teyla explained. "John stayed here with you most of the evening. After you were asleep, Anne offered to sit with you so he could eat something."

Elizabeth blushed all the way up to the roots of her hair. John had been... what? Sitting and watching her sleep? She couldn't suppress a tiny shiver at the thought of him watching over her like that.

Teyla patted her arm, but mercifully didn't say anything else about John. Instead she nodded at the knitting needles. "Do you think you could show me how they work? Anne has been teasing me about making shoes for the baby."

Elizabeth picked up the knitting basket and smiled. "Booties. They're a traditional baby gift on Earth."

They headed downstairs, Elizabeth explaining a bit about knitting. She put John out of her mind for the moment. She was still too unsettled to know what to think, and she needed more time.

*~*~*~*

Carson declared Elizabeth well enough to go to the Athosian ceremony on New Athos with him and Teyla. John was with them, of course, along with Ronon and Rodney. The Athosian children pounced on John and Ronon almost before they got through the gate. Teyla was swarmed by people all asking after her health. Elizabeth stood back a little with Rodney and watched before Halling came to speak with her.

It took a little while for Elizabeth to really relax. John and Ronon were both armed, since there was no way to be certain the Wraith wouldn't appear, but it was more that she still had trouble letting go of her responsibilities, even for a single night. Everyone on Lota would be fine, of course. Radek was there in case anything went wrong, and they could get back fairly quickly, though living without radio contact was still a struggle for all of them. It got tedious having to always _walk_ when you had to speak to someone.

Eventually, though, Elizabeth found herself sitting on a bench in the cool afternoon, helping prepare the meal and listening to the chatter around her. The Athosians spoke reverently of Atlantis, but mercifully not much. Elizabeth knew their reasons for sinking the city and making it appear to have been destroyed were sound and the deception was working, but sometimes she thought actually losing the city would be easier to bear than knowing it was out there and yet out of reach.

At least among the Athosians there was no need to worry about mentioning Earth or Atlantis by accident and causing trouble. That was a relief.

The sun set and John and Ronon staggered back to camp. Even Ronon's energy was flagging after playing with the kids for hours. Elizabeth found herself sitting with the two of them and Rodney, much as they did back at home, while Teyla and Carson were surrounded by Teyla's people all offering them congratulations.

John nudged Rodney with an elbow. "You've been quiet."

Elizabeth hadn't really noticed it but John was right. Rodney had spent a lot of time today staring into his cup and not talking – well, relatively speaking.

Rodney sighed. "I know. I just realized this morning, it's been six months."

Elizabeth paused. They'd been on Lota for a little over five months. Rodney was right. It was six months ago they sank Atlantis and left.

Rodney shifted anxiously. "I don't know. Do you think we'll ever-"

"Don't," Ronon interrupted. His face was dark, and Elizabeth's heart ached. Losing Atlantis had been another in a long string of losses for Ronon, and the reminder made her feel slightly guilty about her own grief.

Ronon leaned back and glanced up at the sky. "You can't think like that, McKay. It'll make you crazy."

It was good advice. As with most good advice, it was a bit hard to follow.

The four of them sat in silence for a long while after that, until Teyla stood up, Carson by her side, and a hush fell.

"Carson and I wish to thank all of you for your blessings," she began. She glanced up at Carson, who had an arm around her waist. "Carson informs me that there is a tradition on Earth, that new parents ask two of their friends or relatives to be guardians of the child in case something should happen to them." Teyla looked at Elizabeth, and then at John. "We wanted to ask two of our friends to fill this role for our child. Life is uncertain, and I can think of no one better to ask to care for our child, should the worst happen, than John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir."

Elizabeth shot a look at John. He seemed shocked, so apparently Teyla hadn't talked to him about this either. She stood up, John following a moment later. He met her eyes and nodded. She turned to Teyla. "We'd be honored."

There was applause and Teyla came over and hugged them both, while Carson hugged Elizabeth and shook John's hand. Elizabeth watched as a couple of people began playing instruments and people started to dance, Teyla and Carson in the middle.

They looked happy.

John's hand folded around hers. "You want to dance?"

She was surprised he would suggest it, but a look at his face showed he was nervous and trying to hide it.

She hesitated, all the reasons not to flashing through her mind. It would make things more complicated. It wouldn't look right. The temptation was too much.

Except, things were already hopelessly complicated by their lie to the Lotans and sharing a bed every night and what she had seen in John's eyes the other day.

This wasn't Earth and it wasn't Lota. They were among friends, and nobody was watching or even cared if she danced with John or not.

Which left the temptation. John had kept away from her the last couple of nights, ostensibly because she was recovering. She wasn't sure what his real motive was, but she knew her skin was tingling from where his fingers grasped hers. She'd missed him, and that was why she smiled shyly and let him draw her into the circle of couples moving around the campfire.

Neither of them knew the steps to the Athosian dance very well. There was some stumbling and a lot of laughing until the music changed to a slower rhythm and Elizabeth found herself in John's arms.

She let her arms rest around his shoulders, trying not to get too close. John was staring at her, his hands flat against her back.

The image bloomed in her mind unavoidably, of leaning in closer and moving her face up to John's. As if he was reading her thoughts, he licked his lips nervously and Elizabeth felt a shiver go through her.

It was a bad idea. John was her friend and they had to work together.

She wanted to kiss him. Just to know what it would be like.

That wouldn't be fair to him, not if he felt what she suspected he did.

John's hands slid up higher. His eyes were on her lips, but he wasn't moving.

If she kissed him, there would be no turning back. Pandora's box would be open and this... whatever-this-was that they had been living with for all this time would never go back inside. And if it went wrong, there would be no place to escape from it.

And if they got back to Atlantis...

Her stomach was churning and her palms were sweaty as a teenager's, but Elizabeth felt a spike of fear. That was the reason why she couldn't afford this kind of personal involvement in her life any more, except they weren't in Atlantis and they might never be there again. Did her self-imposed rules really still apply?

As she struggled to sort out what she was feeling, Elizabeth realized she couldn't seem to make herself let go of him.

Someone behind John stumbled and knocked into him, breaking the moment. Elizabeth drew in a deep breath and forced away the fierce surge of disappointment.

When John looked back at her, she had composed herself. She thought she saw a flash of anger in his eyes. His arms had loosened noticeably and he didn't try to pull her back in.

"I was thinking, if you're feeling okay, I'll still go on that fishing trip I was signed up for when we get back," he said.

He was watching her closely and Elizabeth could feel herself slipping again. She looked away and nodded. "That's probably for the best," she told him quietly.

Her eyes darted to his face and she winced at the hurt she saw there. But it was too late to take the words back.

The music ended and John's arms fell away from her. Elizabeth felt the chilly night air more strongly than she should have. She crossed her arms over her chest and decided to retreat to her seat by the fire. John was intercepted by a young woman and Elizabeth sat down and tried not to watch him dancing and flirting with other women as the party went on into the night.

 

*~*~*~*

John watched the shore recede as the ship made for open water. Itan had, with uncharacteristic politeness, offered to find someone to take John's place on this fishing trip. Elizabeth's illness had just been four days ago. Even if it had only been a minor fainting spell, Itan said it was understandable if John wanted to stay close.

He'd nodded politely and made a joke about how his hovering drove Elizabeth crazy. Itan had chuckled and nothing more was said.

Unfortunately, John suspected something else was bothering Elizabeth, and he was afraid he knew what it was.

She was avoiding him. She hadn't been meeting his eyes much, she kept herself rigid and leaning away from him when they sat together. Last night they slept with their backs to each other.

And with the Athosians, for a second he'd thought... but then she just closed off and told him to go. It was pretty clear she wanted him away from her for now.

He wanted her to have time and space. He could never force Elizabeth into anything, and he prayed that she knew that.

He also needed time himself. Three days on the boat hopefully would long enough to get his head straight, get himself back in control.

Every time he remembered her lying in the bed – in _their_ bed – looking pale and fragile, he began to panic. His mind showed him every moment she'd been in danger or hurt, every time he'd ever been afraid for her. It built up inside of him and he just knew he was going to blurt something out and make an enormous mess of everything, because any time he tried to talk like that he made a mess of it. His divorce papers pretty much confirmed it.

Too much was riding on him and Elizabeth out here. He couldn't risk screwing up that relationship.

And he couldn't stand the thought of losing Elizabeth permanently. He'd rather just be her friend and live with that than the alternative.

Three days of open water and hard labor. Then he'd be able to go back.

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth was a little shocked by how solicitous everyone was about her health. The Lotans probably still thought she might be pregnant, even after her denial to Ainye, so their concern was understandable. But her own people were hovering and insisting she rest and not do any heavy labor while the heat lasted. With John away, all of them seemed to have taken it upon themselves to take his place chiding her about her health.

Rodney, Radek, Carson and Teyla she could handle, but it was difficult to win an argument with Ronon. She suspected he would have no problem tossing her over his shoulder and locking her in her room if she pushed him.

So she went meekly with Teyla to one of the cookhouses and helped with making the fruit preserves from the berries. It allowed her to stay in the shade and sit and listen to the other women talk, avoiding a fight she would lose anyway.

The night before she had gone to bed alone, wishing for air conditioning, and yet somehow feeling cold with John's side of the bed empty.

She was restless all afternoon. John would be back late the next day and she didn't know what to say to him when he returned. For a while she thought that was why she was so twitchy, but then she noticed the sky outside had gotten darker, even though it wasn't yet sundown. She stepped outside the building and saw fingers of purple clouds stretching inland from the water.

A storm.

Fear seized her. There was a storm coming.

Thunderstorms had swept in off the water periodically over the summer, but with some strange sixth sense Elizabeth knew this was not an ordinary thunderstorm. Without thinking, she headed for the shore. People called out to her but she didn't register it, nor did she realize Teyla was following her.

Ronon was standing on the cliffs, and it made sense that he would recognize the sense of danger Elizabeth could feel in the air. He glanced over at her and his expression confirmed her suspicions.

There was a storm coming, and John was out there somewhere in it.

*~*~*~*

Elizabeth had faced plenty of dark and horrible moments in the last three years. Huddled on the floor of the house with everyone else, listening to the storm tear through Lota, she couldn't think about anything but John.

Every howl of the wind made her curse her love of George Clooney. She'd watched that stupid movie about the fishing boat lost in the hurricane because of him, and now images of a tiny little wooden boat sinking in the middle of churning black water kept flashing through her mind. She saw John's body, lifeless and falling, or worse struggling uselessly to breathe while he was dragged under the water.

Her eyes filled with tears she fought to keep back. She had gotten used to not feeling this fear for him. He wasn't going through the gate nearly as much anymore. She didn't have to watch him wave and walk away knowing he might never come back. There were always dangers, but having him in the village, not far away from her, had allowed her to put most of the fear and anxiety away.

She hadn't ever wanted to feel this way again.

She jumped when Ronon put an arm around her. He didn't say anything, which she was grateful for. She wasn't actually cold; the air was warm and very wet. But that wasn't why Ronon was doing it.

She remembered the way John had made the same gesture, their first day on Lota, to protect her.

She put her chin on her knees and prayed.

*~*~*~*

The storm had torn off pieces of roofs and knocked down trees, but not having electricity, Lota survived a bit better than a more advanced culture might have. The water supply was intact, and though there were some minor injuries, nobody in the village had died.

Elizabeth didn't miss the distinction when Topir said that as they surveyed the damages in the morning. The boat hadn't returned. John and the other half dozen men on board might be lost.

She refused to accept it, even as Itan told her the Lotans were organizing search parties to go along the shoreline and look for wreckage. It was the first time that Itan had spoken to her without so much as a nod or wink. There were no salacious looks or innuendos, even though she was alone with him.

She doesn't miss the significance of that either.

With iron-willed control, she faced her own people and asked for a couple of volunteers to join the search parties. Ronon went, as she knew he would, because staying here waiting wasn't something he could take. Carson was seeing to the injured and Rodney and Radek busied themselves with Itan and the others prioritizing the repairs.

Teyla took hold of her hand as Elizabeth stared down the sloping hill towards the churning gray waters.

That day passed, and then the next, and there was no sign of the boat.

She retreated to her room the second night and laid down on her side of the bed, on her back, rigidly not moving. But she could smell John's scent strongly and her whole body started to shake. Two days of people looking at her worriedly, speaking like they were afraid she would crack, had worn her down.

They already saw her as John's _widow_. She didn't want to give up, she refused to, but the sympathy just reminded her of all the lies they had told, and all the ones she'd told herself for the last few months – the last few days, even.

She hugged John's pillow and buried her face against the mattress and finally let the tears fall.

*~*~*~*

John staggered when his feet hit the sand. Five straight days on rough water had left all of them struggling for balance. He suspected the only thing that had kept him from puking his guts out as they fought to keep the ship on the outskirts of the hurricane was adrenaline.

Even though it was nightfall, he could see evidence of the damage from the storm. The dock was smashed so badly the ship had to drop anchor in the harbor and they had to use a rowboat to get to shore. He couldn't help the worry as he struggled through the sand towards the path to the village. Surely everyone had taken shelter when the hurricane struck? The Lotans might not have lofty Ancient architecture but those stone buildings were pretty solid.

He just wanted to know Elizabeth was all right, his people were okay, and then take a bath and change his clothes. And eat something hot. And sleep for more than a couple of hours.

He got one of those things almost as soon as he climbed up off the cliff path and turned towards the village. A crowd was gathering, carrying torches and talking excitedly. He spotted a couple of the Marines in the crowd but then people were parting and suddenly Elizabeth was running at him full-tilt. His heart sped up in relief to see her, then he had about one second to brace himself before she crashed into him, her arms locking around his neck like a vise. He staggered backwards a little, but he'd be damned if he'd let her go right now. He held her just as tightly. Three days of watching the waves and being afraid for his life and that he might never see her again had taken a toll.

Elizabeth was shaking in his arms. He remembered how scared he'd been when she fainted. This must have been a thousand times worse.

"I'm okay, Elizabeth," he told her lowly, his fingers tangling in her hair.

She nodded, but she made no move to let him go until Ronon hurried up to them and slapped John on the back.

He and Elizabeth parted reluctantly and John gaped. There were tears on her face. She caught his look and swiftly wiped her eyes. He couldn't swallow, he could barely breathe. He'd never seen Elizabeth cry before. But Rodney was charging at him and everyone else was closing around them and there was no time to speak. His hand slipped down her arm and his fingers intertwined with hers. Elizabeth squeezed back as they started to head towards home, surrounded by their people.

*~*~*~*

There was no way to keep everyone from crowding around John when they get home. Carson's insistence that John needed an exam didn't even make a dent. John told them how the boat's captain saw the storm coming, how they sailed around the outer edge of the hurricane and towards open water to avoid getting caught in it, which was why it took so long for them to get back to shore. When John mentioned hopefully that he was hungry, Carson threw up his hands in frustration and agreed to let him eat first.

Elizabeth didn't say much. People brought John food and water and Teyla handed her a bowl, but Elizabeth wasn't paying attention. She ate mechanically, even though for two days she'd only just managed to worry down a few mouthfuls at meals and now she was starving. She was so close to John's side their legs were pressed together from hip to ankle, but she had no intention of moving away. No one seemed to care.

He looked over at her frequently as he told them the details of the trip and asked about the storm's landfall. Rodney was already cracking _Gilligan's Island_ jokes. After they'd eaten, John's hand found hers again and nobody blinked.

She remembered throwing herself at him in front of the entire village. It didn't even make her blush.

John finally started to fidget. "I really need to go wash up."

She gave him a wry look. "You haven't had enough water lately?"

He smiled at that, the real, genuine smile of his that was so rare. It always made her heart skip a little.

He stood up and she followed. "I'll help you." He shot her a look, like he was going to protest, but she just raised her eyebrow at him and he sighed. It was her turn, after all. And two days of fearing the worst had left her resolved not to waste any more time. She trailed upstairs after him, Carson following quietly behind.

*~*~*~*

Carson's diagnosis was that John was black and blue but with no serious damages. John submitted quietly, knowing this would go faster if he didn't argue too much. Elizabeth puttered around and surprised him when she came in to tell him she'd gotten the bathroom ready. Her awful bedside manner was a long-standing joke between them, but then again, it was hard to screw up a bath.

He put any connection between her and the bathtub out of his mind. It felt good to scrub almost a week's worth of dirt and sweat away. He pulled his spare pair of boxer shorts on before heading back to the bedroom. He was looking forward to lying down in a real bed instead of a hammock. He figured he could even handle the temptation of Elizabeth sleeping next to him tonight, he was so tired.

Elizabeth was there in her nightshirt, even though it was early. She looked up when he came into the bedroom and their eyes met. John was suddenly not so confident he'd get to sleep soon.

Her eyes slid down his body and lingered on the bruise on his chest. He'd gotten slammed into a railing pretty hard, and a livid purple and green mark cut across his ribs. Nothing had broken, though.

Elizabeth crossed the room and John found he couldn't move, even when her fingers reached out and ghosted along the bruise. His breath hitched when her touch trailed across his skin.

She was biting her lower lip a little and that frown line was back on her forehead. He took a deep breath, forcing his hand not to reach out and touch it. He remembered what had happened on New Athos, when he'd nearly kissed her. He didn't want to make that same mistake again. "I'm okay, Elizabeth. Really," he soothed her, thinking she was just reacting to the last few days. It was understandable.

But she reached up and cupped his cheek, whispering his name. For a moment they just stared at each other and he couldn't remember Elizabeth looking quite this vulnerable before. When she stretched across the short distance between them and kissed him, he responded automatically.

It was a soft, light kiss, but John suddenly felt like he was trying to hold back a tidal wave. Every instinct he had was telling him to pull her closer and push his tongue into her mouth and move his hands – he cut the thought off and tried to pull away.

Elizabeth resisted, pressing herself fully against him and he couldn't suppress a moan. Her lips were insistent and then her tongue was slipping into his mouth. His hands framed her face and he kissed her back and she let him take control of the kiss, her arms winding around his shoulders. His body was growing aroused at the feel of her breasts rubbing against his chest and her bare legs brushing against his.

It took every ounce of willpower he had to end the kiss and set Elizabeth away from him. The sight of her panting, her mouth red from kissing him, nearly crushed his resolve. But he managed to squeak out one word that held a lot of questions. "Elizabeth?"

She steadied herself. "I thought you were dead."

"It's not like that's never happened before," he pointed out. The most that had ever happened when he came back from the dead before was a hug and lots of intense exchanges of looking. She'd never grabbed him and shoved her tongue down his throat before. Not that he hadn't imagined it, but he needed to know why this was different.

Elizabeth nodded. "I know." She folded her hands together and he recognized the gesture. She did that when she was nervous.

There was another silence that made _him_ nervous, as Elizabeth visibly collected herself. Finally she met his eyes again. "I'm not her anymore." His confusion must've shown on his face, because she clarified, "I'm not Dr. Weir anymore." Her shoulders rose up and she waved at herself, at their bedroom, Lota, everything. "I'm just Elizabeth here."

He thought he understood. Back in Atlantis, Dr. Weir had appearances to worry about, people whose opinions could be a problem if they thought the wrong thing. People who could take Atlantis away if she put a foot wrong.

Atlantis was out of reach and they might never get it back. There was no threat of impropriety hanging over them anymore, nobody to please but themselves.

His feet took an involuntary step forward. Elizabeth hadn't moved. She just stared at him, pulling him in. He wanted her more than anything in his life, but he was afraid. He'd been missing for two days, and this couldn't just be a stress reaction. He'd been living with his feelings for her for too long to do this and then have her pull away tomorrow.

"Elizabeth, we can't do this because of..." She flinched and he struggled to find the right words. "I can't do this part-way. Not with you." He wished he could be more eloquent than this, but half his blood had moved below his waist already, and he had never been good at articulating his feelings.

What freaked him out the most was that Elizabeth, who was usually more eloquent at her worst than he was at his best, seemed just as unable to talk right now as he was. She nodded at him, but she didn't speak.

Instead she reached up and pulled her nightshirt off. John swallowed audibly as her body was bared under the lamp light. She was wearing a thin pair of panties and nothing else. All the fantasies he'd had about getting her naked paled in comparison.

His whole body went taut as she once again closed the distance between them. Her forearms settled on his shoulders and his hands moved involuntarily to cup her ass. Her skin was warm and soft and he wanted to bury himself in her and never come out. Her thumb skimmed against his cheek and John closed his eyes, fighting to stay calm. He murmured her name and felt her breath against his lips.

"I love you."

Elizabeth kissed him, and John's self-control snapped.

*~*~*~*

Life and death crises had a way of putting things into perspective. Elizabeth had known this for a while, having lived through more than her share of such things.

She'd faced the prospect of John's death before, but as Dr. Weir, she could only show emotion suitable for a close friend and colleague. Somehow the expression of it became how she defined the feelings to herself, regardless of the truth.

But she wasn't that person anymore. Who she was and what she felt couldn't - wouldn't - be confined that way any longer. She couldn't live the rest of her life making decisions based on the faint hope of returning to Atlantis.

Though she was fairly certain that she knew how John felt about her, her heart still pounded loudly in her chest as she bared herself to him, in more ways than just the literal one. John didn't move and even though she could see the lust in his eyes, her confidence wavered a little as she approached him. But she remembered her resolve of the night before, when she'd faced up to her own feelings and all the lost opportunities that were her fault. She wasn't going to let that happen again. She whispered what she should have told him months ago against his mouth.

The next kiss shattered the dam. She was kissing John but he was grabbing her so tightly her ribs ached. They were rooted to the spot but his mouth pressed against hers so hard their teeth bumped. John's fingers cupped the back of her head and held her in place. It felt like he was trying to climb inside of her, kiss her until there wasn't even an atom's worth of space between them anymore.

She lost all sense of time as they stood there kissing frantically, swaying a little as their bodies shifted and stretched and leaned into each other, trying to get impossibly closer. She could feel his erection against her belly and John's hands ran over her back while she stayed pressed up against him.

Her fingers dug into his shoulder, though, and he hissed, making her jerk back. She'd accidentally hit one of his bruises. "I'm sorry, John-"

"Don't," he interrupted, his voice hoarse. His eyes were dark and hot as his hands settled on her hips. He pushed her backwards a little roughly. "I'm not really feeling any pain right now, Elizabeth."

Her legs bumped into the bed and she plopped down on her butt as she lost her balance. She leaned back and looked up at him and he must have read the dirty thought in her eyes because he grinned. "We can try that later," he promised. But her hand was already skimming down his chest again to trace the edge of the livid bruise that stretched across his ribs. He had bruises all over, but this one kept drawing her eye. It could easily have broken a bone, from the look of it.

John's eyes closed as she touched the hot skin of his abdomen. When she leaned forward and gently kissed him there, he moaned out her name, "_Elizabeth._"

She wanted to pull his boxers off and move her mouth lower, but he sat down next to her before she could. John dragged her into his lap so that she was straddling him and his hands cupped her breasts.

His thumbs teased her and Elizabeth gripped his shoulders to keep from falling off his lap, trying not to hit that bruise on his left side again. In seconds her nipples were stiff and aching while John watched her reaction with fascination. Then he leaned down and wrapped his mouth around her breast and sucked.

Elizabeth let out a low sound as John's mouth surrounded her and then withdrew slowly. His fingers were mounding her flesh up, holding her taut and his tongue teased her nipple as he let go. He did it again, lingering more, licking and finally biting while she squirmed. She managed to find an angle that let her grind down against the bulge in his underwear and he grunted as his hips jerked up in response.

Then he moved to her other breast and Elizabeth cursed. She felt him chuckle against her skin but that didn't keep him from tormenting her a bit more before he fell onto his back, taking her with him.

Elizabeth propped herself up on her arms above him, one hand raking through his hair. John swallowed. "God, _Elizabeth_..."

"I know," she told him. His hands fondled her ass and she could feel his erection pressing against her. She rocked her hips instinctively.

It was John's turn to curse. His thumbs hooked under her panties and tugged urgently. She lifted up to help him but her position wasn't going to work. John dumped her unceremoniously onto her side and his hands slid down her legs, dragging the cotton fabric off.

She wanted to reach for his boxers and return the favor, but she stopped when John slid the palm of his hand up the inside of her leg. Her thighs parted as he moved higher and then he was cupping her mound in his hand and she gasped.

John watched her face as his fingers explored her body. She saw the smirk light up his features when he discovered how wet she already was. His index finger slid over her clit and her hips twitched. He stroked her over and over, staring down at her with something akin to awe on his face.

Elizabeth could feel the orgasm building fast, and she could come from just from him touching her like this, but she didn't want John only touching her with a single finger right now. She wanted him as close as possible. She managed to find her willpower and reached for him. They worked his boxers down his hips and off and then John was kneeling between her legs, looking down at her with a mix of lust and nervousness.

"Elizabeth, are you-?"

She placed her fingers against his lips, cutting him off. "If you ask me if I'm sure I will smack you silly." She rarely threatened physical violence even as a joke and John grinned.

"Hey, I'm trying to be polite, here," he pointed out.

In answer she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. She poured everything into making it dirty and wet and hungry and John was moaning into her mouth and rubbing his erection against her by the time she was done.

When they had to separate to breathe, she touched his face with her other hand. "_Years_, John," she reminded him.

He nodded and his hand slid down the outside of her thigh to tilt her hips a little. She could feel the head of his cock against her entrance and he paused only for one more second, looking at her, before he pushed inside.

She felt the tension in his muscles from the effort he was making to move slowly, as careful with her as he always was. Even here and now with her throwing herself at him, he was protecting her. It made her throat close up. She needed him so much, needed that feeling of being cared for. Elizabeth had known for a long time that she was important to John, but she hadn't grasped how much that meant to _her_ until that moment.

John groaned as he sank all the way into her body, his face pressed against her neck. When his hips were flush against hers he stopped moving. Both of them were breathing heavily. Elizabeth felt her muscles tightening around him. She was already close, and they had waited long enough.

She brought him closer, so that he was propped up on his elbows above her and her legs wrapped around his waist. She tugged on his hair, bringing his head up so she could kiss him.

When he drew back she grinned a little and pinched his ass. He jerked in surprise and they both moaned as the reaction made their bodies grind together. Elizabeth slid a hand up his back, curling her fingers around his shoulder, and said two words to him, a request and a command. "Fuck me."

She saw the shock flash across his face but his body was responding already, his hips drawing back and then thrusting into her again. She threw her head back, pushing her hips down to meet him. She had no real leverage but John's weight anchored her and in seconds Elizabeth could feel herself beginning to tense.

"John," she begged, reaching for his hand. She wanted him touching her, rather than doing it herself. John shifted obligingly and then his finger was between her legs, stroking her clit and she cried out. She slapped a hand over her mouth to cover the noise and John froze.

She looked up at him in confusion, wondering why he was stopping. John deliberately reached down and pulled her hand away from her mouth. He linked their fingers and then pressed her hand down against the bed with his arm. She saw the hunger in his face as he started to move again, sliding against her and inside of her and she understood.

She panted out his name again as she felt the orgasm begin and her body clenched tightly around him. John watched her as he kept moving and Elizabeth swiftly lost control. The pleasure spiked and she couldn't form words anymore, but the sound that came out was rough and almost triumphant. The orgasm burst through her body and rolled though her in waves as she writhed underneath him until it faded.

John clenched his hands into fists against the blanket, his head dropping down. He made a little grunting noise with each thrust and it was obvious that he was close to coming himself. Elizabeth threaded her fingers through his hair, bringing his face up so she could look at him.

She'd never seen him look this desperate before. His mouth hung open as he panted and when his tongue flickered out over his lips Elizabeth felt a massive aftershock go through her body. John grunted more loudly and then his hips slammed into her a few more times before he stilled and she felt him coming inside of her. He gasped out her name one last time.

Distantly she remembered the lack of birth control, but that was a conversation she didn't want to worry about right now. Her shot didn't run out for a couple more months yet. They had time.

Her legs slowly loosened and fell against the bed. John's temple rested against her cheek. Otherwise they didn't move for several minutes, other than Elizabeth running her fingers through his hair.

At length John pushed himself up again. His fingers brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead and he licked his lips again. "Elizabeth," he started and then paused. She watched as he gathered himself, her hands stroking lightly over his skin in reassurance. Finally, with his voice dropped to that low tone that always made her shiver, he told her, "I love you."

She knew saying things like that was hard for him. She didn't need to hear the words to know they were true, but she smiled and drew him into another kiss.

Somehow John settled on his side and cuddled her against his chest all without breaking the kiss. Her body fit against his naturally, and this time she didn't have to feel awkward about it. His fingers traced idle patterns over her back and she could tell that he wanted to continue this, but there were dark circles under his eyes. "Shhh. We have time, John."

His eyes were already closing. She reached up and kissed his forehead gently and got a ghost of a smile across his mouth before he fell asleep. Even then, his arms held her tightly. She followed him into sleep within minutes, having not moved an inch.

*~*~*~*

At first he thought it had just been another dream, but then John felt something strange and opened his eyes to discover he had a lock of Elizabeth's hair in his mouth.

He'd rolled onto his back at some point and Elizabeth was half on top of him, sound asleep, her hair loose against his face and neck.

He tidied her hair and couldn't resist sliding his fingers down her back. The novelty of being able to touch her skin on purpose was still there, and he had to wonder if it would ever really fade. He kept up the light touch of his fingers along her spine until Elizabeth shivered, waking up. She stretched, gloriously naked, and straddled him.

He was living on a backwater planet in a distant galaxy, with life-sucking alien monsters running around trying to kill him, scratching out a subsistence-level existence, and John had never been as happy as he was right at that moment.

He was already aroused as Elizabeth began to sway her hips a little against him. Her fingers stroked across his skin, tracing his lips and his neck. She found his weak spot and grinned wickedly. He had no time to react before she bent down and her lips were teasing his throat. His fingers gripped her butt as she licked his skin. Then her teeth bit down on that sensitive place and he cursed, holding her hips down against his, needing the friction against his erection.

At least with all the other bruises he currently had, the mark she was making wouldn't be as noticeable.

Elizabeth had other plans, though. She kissed down his collarbone and then her lips were sucking on his nipple while her hand skimmed over his ribs. John grabbed for the pillow blindly. He wanted to touch her but he was rapidly losing coordination, especially when her tongue flicked against his belly button and he realized what she intended to do.

"Elizabeth..." He meant to tell her she didn't have to, but she shot him a look and he bit down on his lip as she shuffled backwards.

Her index finger teased the crease between his hip and his thigh, dipping down to tease his balls lightly before moving up the other side.

John's other hand closed over the edge of the mattress.

She watched him with dark eyes as she stroked her finger up the underside of his erection. He was completely hard by now and panting already. She moved with absolutely evil deliberateness until John was craning his neck uncomfortably to watch her take him into her mouth.

"Fuck," he moaned out and then a string of other curses and gasps followed as she sucked him. Any time he'd come close to fantasizing about this, it had never felt right. Elizabeth had been his superior, and he never could get his imagination to picture her in such a subordinate position.

Nothing about this made him feel powerful, though. He was shaking, on the edge of coming, prone on his back and immobile while Elizabeth's hot mouth and agile tongue took him apart. He would've agreed to anything right now. She had him, completely.

She held him on the brink for what felt like forever, until the suction increased and her hand was pumping the base of his cock and John mumbled out a warning before coming so hard he couldn't breathe.

Elizabeth vanished for a bit and he couldn't get his eyes to focus until she climbed back onto the bed beside him, holding a cup of water in her hand. John managed to drag himself upright – groaning at the ache in his bruised body as he did – and drink some of it when she offered.

Elizabeth was looking incredibly smug at the moment and he had plans to even the score, but he yawned so widely his jaw cracked and she laughed and pushed him back down.

He protested, because this was the second time tonight he wanted more sex and was falling asleep, but Elizabeth patted his chest. "You can make it up to me later, John."

"Oh, I will," he told her, dragging Elizabeth close so he could spoon up against her back. Only this time he did it deliberately, while still (sort of) awake. It felt amazingly normal. He spoke into her ear, his voice low, "Later I'm going to eat you out until you can't remember your own name."

She shuddered and he grinned, tickling her ribs.

Elizabeth covered his fingers with her hand and squeezed. "I'm holding you to that," she warned.

He kissed her bare shoulder in answer and then let himself sink into the warmth of Elizabeth's body and their bed, contented and happy.

*~*~*~*

Sunlight was coming through the window when Elizabeth stirred. John snuggled into her back when she moved, mumbling a protest against her neck. She wanted to sink back down into the comfortable warmth of the bed and his arms and not think for several more hours yet.

Unfortunately, the knock at the door came again and she bolted upright.

She looked around in alarm. Their clothes were strewn all over the floor and she knew her hair was even more of a mess than usual thanks to John's fingers last night. She didn't even want to think about what kinds of marks might be on her skin from his fingers, his teeth and his beard.

"Just a minute," she told whoever was at the door before starting to scoop up the clothes frantically.

"Elizabeth," John sing-songed her name from the bed. She turned and looked at him. He looked pointedly at the clothes, his eyebrows up.

Right. No more pretending, no half-measures. She blushed. "Sorry. Force of habit."

Someone was still outside and she couldn't exactly open the door naked. "Can I at least put my shirt on?" she queried.

John let out a melodramatic sigh. "If you really _have_ to, I guess."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her nightshirt, figuring it would cover most of her, before opening the door enough to peek around it into the hallway. John was still naked and in bed, after all.

Mercifully it was Teyla standing there. Her eyes were dancing with amusement and Elizabeth wanted to groan at the thought of the teasing she was probably in for, but she did her best to look perfectly natural, like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

"Good morning, Elizabeth. I was wondering if you and John were coming down for breakfast, or if you would like us to bring something up for you both."

Elizabeth glanced around the door. John sat up in bed, tossing aside the sheet. His eyes were on her ass and part of his anatomy was now very much awake. Elizabeth fought not to lick her lips in anticipation before turning back to Teyla. "Um, yeah, we'll be down in a little while." Her evil side made her add, "I don't think John's really rested enough yet."

Teyla gave her a knowing look and left. Elizabeth closed the door and leaned against it, staring at John.

"I don't look rested?"

She smirked. "You look a bit agitated right now. I think you may need a little more quiet time."

He stalked across the room towards her. Her breath went as her body heated up. The look in his eyes was intense but it thrilled her on a primal level she'd never felt with anyone else.

John loomed over her, his hands on either side of her head. "I think you might be right," he agreed. He leaned his head down and bit her ear a little roughly and Elizabeth whimpered.

Her shirt came back off and in short order John had her pressed against the door with her arms and legs clinging to him for support. As he slid inside of her she made a noise. John shushed her. "We have to be quiet," he whispered. "They're waiting for us downstairs, remember."

Elizabeth moaned again, biting her lip to keep it in.

"Someone else might come looking for us," he added, his voice rough and right against her ear.

He was thrusting in between words and Elizabeth shoved her hand down where their bodies were joined, because she was already on edge. She knew what he was doing, and she didn't care, as long as he kept moving inside of her like that.

"I'm not sure," he panted out, grinding his hips and making her see stars for a moment. "I can trust you," another grind and she jerked in impatience, her fingers rubbing frantically, "not to scream my name."

"_Jo– _" she started, but his mouth covered hers to muffle the noise as he rocked into her a few more times. She came as he lost control and slumped, pinning her to the door.

For several trembling moments she couldn't move. Finally she gulped out one word, "_Fuck_."

John laughed and let her down, then had to grab her to keep her from falling to the floor on her rubbery legs. "Yeah. Good morning, by the way."

"Good morning. We should get cleaned up and go eat, unless you want me to bring you something up."

He stepped back. "I'm okay. I can manage to go downstairs." He hated being coddled almost more than she did, so she expected that response.

"Fine, but you're not working today," she told him. For a second he looked like he was going to protest but she raised an eyebrow at him. His shoulders relaxed and he yielded.

They took turns in the bathroom and got dressed. Elizabeth was finishing pulling her hair up and John waited by the door as she approached. He put a hand on the doorknob, then paused.

"I don't think it'll change things much out there," he said, looking at her seriously.

She considered that for a moment. "Maybe not. But in here..."

He smirked. "In here, oh yeah."

She gave him a little shove. John took her hand and led her out the door.


End file.
